Sometimes its hard to accept that life doesn't always turn out the way it's planned...
I have accomplished a lot in my life to be proud of- conquered a learning disability, earn my masters with high marks, member of Zeta Tau Alpha (international women's fraternity) and Kappa Delta Pi (international honor society in the field of education), author two popular blogs (Baltimore Restaurant Examiner and Adventures in Baltimore Restaurants), married a great man and gained a wonderful family, traveled to numerous places around the world and much more- but what about those things we dream of and planned to happen in life and aren’t turning out the way I expected them to?
We all have dreams as we grow up and even as adults but how do you overcome things when they go wrong or when you are too afraid to try or face a fear? Who do you turn to for understanding and support?
A fear- rejection. No one likes rejection! I have written a children’s picture book but fear trying to get it published. It’s a dream of mine to be a children’s author. More ideas for stories float around in my head but I can’t even get past trying to get the first one out there.
A dream- to be a mother. Most women dream of their wedding day and then becoming a mother. However, life doesn’t always go has planned. As of December 25, 2008 I have been trying conceive. It has been one wall after another. First my period disappears for 7 months and I have to take hormones to get it back. I completely understand how women feel during menopause and dealing with hormones. So finally a little over a year later my period is back (not many girls will say they are happy to see it but I will). Now with high hopes I hope I can conceive- wrong! Now I am not ovulating and so now we move onto Clomid. I go every month for a blood ovulation test and still nothing- the test result start at a little over zero and after 3 months of 50 mg of Clomid they are only up to 2.31 and I need to be at around 10. So now its time to raise the amount of Clomid to 100 mg and hope or pray this works. Now what is the hardest part? Being surrounded by friends and loved ones and their babies and pregnancy. Now don’t get me wrong I am elated for them and can’t wait to celebrate their child- look at myself its plastered with smiles- but my soul hurts inside but I dare not let them know! That is the hardest part- not letting this all get to me and be positive- I am trying my best (an please don’t think you can’t share your child or pregnancy with me because of this- that will hurt me even worse!)
So that’s why I say sometimes its hard to accept that life doesn't always turn out the way it's planned- but at last we must move forward. Somethings we can do things to make it change or come out the way we hoped but some we can’t.
So I turn back to my childhood for words of wisdom and the song “The Sun will Come out Tomorrow” from Annie (ask my mother I used to play this record over and over and sing it at the top of my lungs)
The sun'll come out
Bet your bottom dollar
There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day
I just stick out my chin
The sun'll come out
So ya gotta hang on
Come what may
I love ya