Breastfeeding woes....

The internet has a down fall - when you have times on your hands you tend to surf the web and read.  Well as usual I am up and pumping every 3 hours with time on my hands has the wosh wosh of the pump drones on - so I surf the web!

I came across some articles about breastfeeding and those who feed their babies breast milk but excursively pump - which has turned into me!  Yes I figured I would breastfeed my babies and thats about all the thought I gave to it until reality checked in.

The twins came a few weeks early at 34 weeks so they both had to spend time in the NICU.  Now i was told to start pumping right away to help bring in my milk - which I did.  Once my milk had come in Is at down with a lactation specialist to work on getting J to latch on (C had some other medical issues that wouldnt allow to work with him just yet).  Well it didn't go so well.  They told me and assured me it was nothing I did or didn't do but the fact that they were preemies hindered their ability to latch, such and swallow like a full term baby.  So determined not to get discourged a pumping I went so they would get my breast milk.

However as time went on and both boys were discharged from the hospital I was still pumping - I did try having them latch on with the help of a sheild but it just wasnt going well.  J would latch for a min or two and then quit.  So I made up my mind and I said I wasn't going to try any more and to pump exclusivley.

This is where the surfing came in that made me mad- I came across acrticles about exclusively pumping and how it was ok and so on - but the comments people made about how HORRIBLE that was or how WRONG etc etc etc

My thoughts (besides to me getting made and sense of of doing wrong hitting me) was do these people going on and on about how pumping exclusively is bad have complications or situations that made actual breast feeding hard- I think not.  I bet most of them had their babies around their due date, didn't have twins, and didn't get discharged from the hospital without one of your babies coming home with you!  THEY DON"T UNDERSTAND OR GET IT!

One of the hardest things I had to deal with when my boys were born was sitting in my room at night trying to sleep and my husband and I would notice how quiet it was and hear every other baby cry in the middle of the night - and here we were in an empty room just the 2 of us because the boys were in the NICU. Try that one on for size you critisizing women out there and see how that will make you feel.  And on top of that not being able to go visit your babies for 24 hours after they were born because you are hooked up to a million tubes and beeping things.  Yeah I saw J for like 5 mins a few hours after they were born but I was sooooo looped out from be completly put all the way under do to the ergency of my c section they didn't have time to do anything but put me all the way under - that I barely remember holding him and peering a C in some plastic box (thats all I understood at that moment).

So to these women out there that judge and go on and on about what is right or wrong - take a moment and walk in my shoes or someone else's shoes and maybe you wont be so judgmental.  And honestly there are way worse cases than my delivery!

So I feel I am doing my motherly best by pumping every 3 hours and bottle feeding my babies a mixture of my milk and formula!  Heck something must be good with it if my Dr feels that at only a month old he doesnt need to see them every week any more!  :P