Monday, August 23, 2010

The ups and downs

So I had my Dr appointment on Friday morning and found up some ups and downs- where to start?

Well I woke up Friday and took a preggo test- NEGATIVE

Well first off my Dr had a procedure to do so I had to see another Dr- she was pretty cool and nice but I felt nervous because I wanted to be able to talk to my Dr about what was going on and where we were going.

The first down- she found a cyst on my right side.  As of right now there are unsure what type of cyst it is but are hoping it goes away with this month's period. The two female Docs in the room told me not to worry about it yet (not sure why there were two but not a biggy) and the would give the picture of it to my Dr and have him call me. I also asked her opinion as to options and she said if I was her patient we would move into IUI since I have been on Clomid since December.

The second down- life hit me hard!  I barely made it to the elavator before tears started to form and I had to fight them back.  The elevator couldn't move fast enough and I REFUSED to cry there in the building.  I made it to my car but just barely!  I have been doing very well trying to be positive and not let all these "hiccups" get me down that have been going on since I went off the pill in December 2008 (yes its been almost 2 years). But it finally just overcame me and I need a good cry and a day to feel depressed!  My poor husband- I called him but got no answer and being as upset as I was I texted this: Everything just got worse!  Of course he called me back and could barely understand me between the twears and sobbing.  But being worried about me he talked me down to a level where he could understand me and I filled him in on all my unanswered fears and questions.

So once I calmed down I  treated myself to a massage and got some sound advice from a friend who knows what it like and can relate!  Plus the Hubby called every so often to check on my and suggested I go home crawl in bed and rent a movie!

The anticipation of my Dr calling me was nail biting!  We headed out to dinner and of course my phone started to ring and a number I didn't know showed up on my phone. Normally I would hit ignore and would have my cell on silence but I kept thinking what if it was him. So the Hubby said answer it and it was my Dr (at 6:30 on a Friday night none the less). So there I was running through the restaurant and heading out side to find a place we could talk.

The ups and downs...
Well we talked about the cyst and determined to stop the Clomid.  He then went over my HSG some and explained to me that my right side flowed but not right away and is "skinny" so egss may not be making in through- he said this may have been cause by an infection at one point or other things.  He then stated I think we should move into IVF and how I feel about that- of course I said yes!  He told me to call Monday (today) and make an appointment to come in and talk to we could go over the details and so forth.  Now from what i understand and have researched there will be a lot entailed with IVF (giving myself shots maybe?!?!) and we may not actually be able to do it this month due to timing and may have to wait till the follwoing month (even tho my period just started this weekend).

How do I feel now? Better- not depressed like I was on Friday and Saturday and ready to move on- I just hope I can get an appt to see the Dr this week (even tho school starts back up and I may have to take time right away)

I will let ya know...


  1. Oh Jess...

    I know this is not the news you wanted to hear! I am hugging you from afar and knowing that good things are going to happen. Just maybe not the way you thought. (((HUGS)))

  2. I am a first time reader - and my heart goes out to you. I, too, suffered with cysts which got much, MUCH worse on Clomid. I had what my doc called a log jam of activated eggs (I could have been the next octomom if they hadn't gotten stuck!). I was pulled from Clomid and was told that IVF was my only option. We didn't have the money and decided to take the winter off, save, recenter, and start exploring IVF options in the spring. We enjoyed the time off - no counting days, no temperatures, no meds, no psycho bitchiness. I cried over a few negative preg tests - until one was positive. All on its own. I credit the not thinking about it every single minute of every single day, our investment in an elk hunting tag that he couldn't use because I was due that month, and my new goal of losing X amount of pounds before I could get pregnant - then the next test was a success.

    My best to you through this journey. Each one is different, but I know what it's like sitting in the bathroom every month. I know. My heart goes to you - and I hope that very soon you are blogging about morning sickness (I was never so happy to puke in my life).
    Much Love,
    Cort (Modern Super Momma)


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