What more can I say?

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
                                         -Eleanor Roosevelt

Today's daily quote really hit the spot today.  Dreams are what hold us together sometimes.  As one dream becomes a reality another dream develops.  However, sometimes following our dreams and making them reality can be the hardest thing!  Just don't forget to dream BIG!!!!!

Photo:  tomspixels

The ups and downs

So I had my Dr appointment on Friday morning and found up some ups and downs- where to start?

Well I woke up Friday and took a preggo test- NEGATIVE

Well first off my Dr had a procedure to do so I had to see another Dr- she was pretty cool and nice but I felt nervous because I wanted to be able to talk to my Dr about what was going on and where we were going.

The first down- she found a cyst on my right side.  As of right now there are unsure what type of cyst it is but are hoping it goes away with this month's period. The two female Docs in the room told me not to worry about it yet (not sure why there were two but not a biggy) and the would give the picture of it to my Dr and have him call me. I also asked her opinion as to options and she said if I was her patient we would move into IUI since I have been on Clomid since December.

The second down- life hit me hard!  I barely made it to the elavator before tears started to form and I had to fight them back.  The elevator couldn't move fast enough and I REFUSED to cry there in the building.  I made it to my car but just barely!  I have been doing very well trying to be positive and not let all these "hiccups" get me down that have been going on since I went off the pill in December 2008 (yes its been almost 2 years). But it finally just overcame me and I need a good cry and a day to feel depressed!  My poor husband- I called him but got no answer and being as upset as I was I texted this: Everything just got worse!  Of course he called me back and could barely understand me between the twears and sobbing.  But being worried about me he talked me down to a level where he could understand me and I filled him in on all my unanswered fears and questions.

So once I calmed down I  treated myself to a massage and got some sound advice from a friend who knows what it like and can relate!  Plus the Hubby called every so often to check on my and suggested I go home crawl in bed and rent a movie!

The anticipation of my Dr calling me was nail biting!  We headed out to dinner and of course my phone started to ring and a number I didn't know showed up on my phone. Normally I would hit ignore and would have my cell on silence but I kept thinking what if it was him. So the Hubby said answer it and it was my Dr (at 6:30 on a Friday night none the less). So there I was running through the restaurant and heading out side to find a place we could talk.

The ups and downs...
Well we talked about the cyst and determined to stop the Clomid.  He then went over my HSG some and explained to me that my right side flowed but not right away and is "skinny" so egss may not be making in through- he said this may have been cause by an infection at one point or other things.  He then stated I think we should move into IVF and how I feel about that- of course I said yes!  He told me to call Monday (today) and make an appointment to come in and talk to we could go over the details and so forth.  Now from what i understand and have researched there will be a lot entailed with IVF (giving myself shots maybe?!?!) and we may not actually be able to do it this month due to timing and may have to wait till the follwoing month (even tho my period just started this weekend).

How do I feel now? Better- not depressed like I was on Friday and Saturday and ready to move on- I just hope I can get an appt to see the Dr this week (even tho school starts back up and I may have to take time right away)

I will let ya know...

The bathroom smelt like cupcakes

So today was the big day for the hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant- Me!


Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray as a dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus.

My Dr warned me before hand that it is uncomfortable and you would feel cramping during and after- so he told me to take a pain killer about an hour before hand. 

So the experience uh?  Well it wasn't the most pleasant thing- it did hurt and there was cramping but once the procedure got started it really only took about 10 minutes.  Plus being in a gown with your tush peeping out with a room of 3 people is sort of unsettling too :/  The Dr, nurse and X-ray technician were very comforting and the two ladies talked to me about all sorts of things so I wasn't paying attention (asking how long I have been married, where we meet and where I got my new wedding band).  The sweet nurse even held my hands the entire time.


The results I was told that the dye passed so there is no blockage but my right tube is extended (???). I was told that my Dr would go over the results with me at my next appointment and decided what and where we would go from here.  I head back to my Dr on I believe August 20th.


Oh yeah- the cupcakes!  So of course in all nervousness (like most normal people) I had to go the bathroom before hand and when I walked in the restroom it smelt like vanilla cupcakes and yet not sickeningly sweet.

A daughter's true best friend

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  
~Washington Irving

Today is Mother's Day- I know I already thanked my Mother back in April but honestly one day of thanks is not enough for all that she has done.

 There is always a part of the mother living in every daughter's heart. Though most women don't acknowledge, they share a very strong bond with their mothers. It always changes over time. When we are young we call for them all the time, when we are teenagers they are our enemies but when we grow up they become a daughter's true best friend- at least my mother is!

A Pennsylvania State University has revealed that despite conflicts and complicated emotions, about 80 to 90 per cent of women at midlife reported a good relationship with their mother. It is a great bond that a mother and daughter share with each other and it's so close that everything from health to relationships can be affected by it.

Today is about Mother's- weather it be your 30th Mother's Day or your 1st.  Some people believe that these holidays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. But honestly how often do you remember to stop and tell your mother thank you?  Why not have a little help from the world on a cerebrated holiday?

My dream to become a mother has been a lot of going down hill, however, Friday I talked about how "today is the day" and I was meeting a new doctor to work on becoming a mother.  I am so glad I decided to do this and see some one else.  We talked and reviewed my tests, did an ultra sound of my uterus and then discussed a plan of action.

This first month he has me on the Clomid (100 mg) except I am taking a round of hormones for 2 weeks first (even though my period is due this week)- I had a blood test Friday also to check my hormones level and if under 3 then off we go on this month's regiment.

If this does not work he said in a sense we will take my body back to ground zero and try a different hormone therapy and Clomid.If still no luck we then move into some short of shot therapy (he didn't go into much detail) and if they doesn't work we move in IVF.

So cross your fingers and keep me in your prayers...

And mom- HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY!!!!

A night in a romance novel

I was relaxing and reading the current issue of Baltimore Style magazine and was excited to learn that Nora Roberts has opened a inn here in Maryland.

She purchased the rundown property in 2007 and began fixing it up. Along the way she has run into walls (like a fire caused by a damaged propane tank destroyed most of the building) but it is a finally open and taking reservations. Nora Roberts named each of the inn’s eight rooms (except The Penthouse) after a different love-struck literary couple with happily ever after endings.

Every room has a cashmere throw, 32-inch flat-screen TV and a copy of the book and DVD that inspired it. The bathrooms- WOW! Copper soaking tubs, showers with jets and so much more!

I have already told my husband that this would be a great getaway for my 32nd birthday in June or our 7 year anniversary in July. I also hinted of the battlefields and so forth around that would could visit- plus the outlets are not far away either.

Maybe all the romance in the air there will be just what the “doctor ordered” (see previous post)

You have to check out the Inn BoonsBoro

Myspace Quotes Graphics

The Sun will Come out Tomorrow

Sometimes its hard to accept that life doesn't always turn out the way it's planned...

 

I have accomplished a lot in my life to be proud of- conquered a learning disability, earn my masters with high marks, member of Zeta Tau Alpha (international women's fraternity) and Kappa Delta Pi (international honor society in the field of education), author two popular blogs (Baltimore Restaurant Examiner and Adventures in Baltimore Restaurants), married a great man and gained a wonderful family, traveled to numerous places around the world and much more- but what about those things we dream of and planned to happen in life and aren’t turning out the way I expected them to?

 

We all have dreams as we grow up and even as adults but how do you overcome things when they go wrong or when you are too afraid to try or face a fear? Who do you turn to for understanding and support?

 

A fear- rejection. No one likes rejection! I have written a children’s picture book but fear trying to get it published.  It’s a dream of mine to be a children’s author.  More ideas for stories float around in my head but I can’t even get past trying to get the first one out there.

 

A dream- to be a mother.  Most women dream of their wedding day and then becoming a mother. However, life doesn’t always go has planned. As of December 25, 2008 I have been trying conceive.  It has been one wall after another.  First my period disappears for 7 months and I have to take hormones to get it back. I completely understand how women feel during menopause and dealing with hormones. So finally a little over a year later my period is back (not many girls will say they are happy to see it but I will).  Now with high hopes I hope I can conceive- wrong!  Now I am not ovulating and so now we move onto Clomid. I go every month for a blood ovulation test and still nothing- the test result start at a little over zero and after 3 months of 50 mg of Clomid they are only up to 2.31 and I need to be at around 10. So now its time to raise the amount of Clomid to 100 mg and hope or pray this works.  Now what is the hardest part? Being surrounded by friends and loved ones and their babies and pregnancy. Now don’t get me wrong I am elated for them and can’t wait to celebrate their child- look at myself its plastered with smiles- but my soul hurts inside but I dare not let them know!  That is the hardest part- not letting this all get to me and be positive- I am trying my best (an please don’t think you can’t share your child or pregnancy with me because of this- that will hurt me even worse!)

 

So that’s why I say sometimes its hard to accept that life doesn't always turn out the way it's planned- but at last we must move forward. Somethings we can do things to make it change or come out the way we hoped but some we can’t.

 

So I turn back to my childhood for words of wisdom and the song “The Sun will Come out Tomorrow” from Annie (ask my mother I used to play this record over and over and sing it at the top of my lungs)

 

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck with a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And grin,
And say,
Oh
The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
Tïll tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!